Battling With My Brain
Have you ever struggled with an unwelcomed “parade of thoughts” entering your mind when you least expect it?
One day, years ago, I was telling my mom about an issue I was struggling with, how my mind was all over the place, spinning out of control. She turned to me and said, “Sounds like you’re battling with your brain.” Well, that phrase stuck with me. I don’t know if this happens to everyone, but I often struggle with my thoughts and emotions—whether I’m focusing on a task, praying, out with friends, or just sitting watching TV . . .
Oh my, here comes the attack of the killer thoughts!
Thoughts of fear, guilt, hurt, anger, and rejection begin to invade my mind: rational or irrational as they may be, they stop me in my tracks. They make me feel like I’m not good enough. Sometimes when I get home after spending time with friends, the thoughts make me feel as if everything I said was wrong or somehow offensive, or that there was something I should have said, but didn’t. This opens the door for the vicious cycle of thoughts to begin.
It becomes a constant roller coaster ride . . . and not the fun kind! Simple tasks become an effort. It feels as if I’ve fallen into a hole—slowly, the water pours in and begins to rise, taking my breath away; at other times the water rushes in all at once and I feel as if I am drowning. But then in the midst of the battle, a bright light shines through the dark clouds, I reach out to God, focusing my thoughts on Him; the battle slows and then stops.
It reminds me of the sky when it’s filled with clouds, but beams of light come shining through and one of those beams leads up to an opening in the sky. It looks as if you could walk right up that ray of light.
That’s how it feels when I’m rescued from the deep pit of negative thoughts: the beams of God’s light come pouring in and He takes my hand tightly, lifts me up and walks up that ray of light with me into His peacefulness. He calms my mind, reminds me of His promises, fills my heart with His joy, sets my thoughts in the right direction, whether it is through a song, a sermon from long ago, verses from His word, or just an amazing touch from God. I’m restored, able to get up, move and keep walking.
I think of the verse, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind” (2 Timothy 1:7)
God has overcome the enemy. So now when the negative thoughts attack, I seek God first, and STOP the battle in its tracks. I praise God for His amazing Grace and Love—for being my fortress, my hiding place—my Abba Father!
“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid” (John 14:27)
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Joanne Mellace is a born-and-raised South Philadelphian. She loves walking around the city, enjoying the sights and sounds, and eating out—there are so many restaurants! She also loves spending time with family and friends and relaxing at home with her cats, Houdini and Alley, who she refers to as her “furry family.”